A Song of Home by Susie Finkbeinger

Author:Susie Finkbeinger
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kregel Publications
Published: 2017-01-10T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Mama knocked on my bedroom door not long after Aunt Carrie left. She asked if she could come in and I got up off my bed to open the door for her.

She had one hand resting on the slight slope of her stomach, fingers rubbing at one certain spot.

I remembered how jealous I’d been of Ray after his mother’d had Baby Rosie. Seemed all the other mothers were having babies. All the other mothers but mine. I’d begged Mama to have another, promised to be a good big sister. I’d even said I’d scrub out the diapers for her.

It had to have been a hundred times I’d asked. But every time she’d said the same thing.

“I’m happy with you and Beanie,” she’d say.

I would pretend to see shooting stars in the sky so I could make a wish for a little sister. I’d even have settled for a brother if I’d had to.

But that day, Mama standing in the doorway of my bedroom, hand on her stomach, I regretted all the times I’d begged, all the wishes I’d cast. I didn’t want any baby that had no part of Daddy.

“Pearl,” Mama started and then worked up a swallow. “Would you like to go to the store with me?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, not thinking I had the choice to say no.

“I only need a few things.”

“I can go for you.”

“The fresh air might do me some good,” she said. “I don’t mind going. Just don’t want to go alone.”

“Are you scared to go by yourself?” I asked.

She licked her lips and nodded. “Yes. But I can’t stay cooped up in here until summer.”

“Is that when it’s coming?” I asked, looking down at her stomach.

“I think so.”

“Will you wear your coat?” I asked. “To the store?”

She nodded. “I’m not sure I’m ready for everybody to know yet.”

Wrapping both arms around her middle it looked like she was trying to protect the baby from anything in the world that might want to harm it.

It was wrong and I knew it, but I felt more than a little jealous of that baby just then.

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